Are you a runaway starting an Ayurvedic life? Be prepared to run away no more.
As a child, I had a strong will and an even stronger temper. The slightest motion could send me into a universal rage. I’m sure it’s no surprise that I was also an all-star in the neighborhood plays.
From the age of three, I convinced friends to jump ship from our parents. And at the age of six, when my family organized a boys only trip, I packed everything I owned in plastic bags, shoved them on the handle bars of my bike and rode far into the abyss of rebellion. (Editor’s note: I made it one block.)
I switched Elementary schools three times, Junior highs twice, and while I maintained the same High School, I switched my style more times than primary school. College was another battle constantly wondering where I could run off too, escaping out of the country for a short time. It wasn’t until after school when I could only maintain state residency more than one year at a time, that I began to take a strong look at this itch that beckoned for me to sprint.
I’m sure it was the itch that let me to Ayurveda, but at the time I was blind to it. Yet, the deeper I got into my studies, the louder and clearer it got that it was time to untangle the race map.
The truth (the itch) I came to find out wasn’t the lightest of places to run too. It wasn’t the fun-loving energy that came with moving, but a deep fear, displaying as sunburn, acne and joint pain. It showed up in the middle of the night to take over a deep sleep and it came after a long day at work, begging for a glass of wine.
Yet, I continued to run. This time to San Francisco, where I was positive that all of the Yoga and Ayurveda would disperse the worries into the ethers. Much to my dismay, it continued for eternity (about 11 months) until I decided to pick up and move again. Next was Chicago, where I would be with family and pursuing a new career I loved. Problems be gone.
After a few months of life in Chicago, I recognized the same intensity of fear when alone. I knew it wasn’t a location that was going to heal anything but it was (breaking news) within myself.
In Joseph Campbell’s The Hero with a Thousand faces it says:
“The hearld or announcer of the adventure…is often dark, loathly, or terrifying, judged evil by the world; yet if one could follow, the way would be opened through the walls of day into the dark where the jewels glow.”
So I entered the dark. I took a hard look at this fear and I began to clear muck out. I geared up in the Tapas department (discipline, not small plates). I joined a gym to burn away old patterns. I let go of the habit of overdoing it by saying “no” and amping up the self-care. I created a morning ritual that worked for me and most of all, I learned to sit better in meditation. I practiced sitting with this darkness and just let it be. I accepted it.
Sometimes I’m still not sure what I accepted or where everything came from. After an EFT reading years ago, it was clear that I had some past life traumas that carried over and I certainly had some present life traumas in the form of surgeries, a childhood in politics, and break-ups (boys and friends) that caused the loneliness to be seen. But I didn’t find that mattered anymore. What mattered was how I would move forward.
And wouldn’t you know, a few months later, when it was time to move again, I didn’t pick a new place I’d never been – where I didn’t know anyone. I picked my hometown of Boston. I was no longer going to run away from that which plagued me. (Dramatic, remember?) I ran to it.
Just as in Ayurveda, when you find out your dosha. Sometimes you resist it. You want to be a different dosha. You yearn for Vata’s artistic flair, or a Pitta’s determination, or simply, the compassion a Kapha exudes. But you soon find out you can’t run from who you are. You can’t run from your foundation. All you can do is embrace it, hone in on it and experience the magic of balance that trickles through your life when you surrender to it all. When you return home.